Hey Matt,

I thought about writing to you off-line, but the more I thought about it, the more I decided that this was the better forum. I've been thinking about a post of yours that came through a week or so ago.

First, Scott... You and Greg both know that it's relatively easy to get me riled up, and you have both been known to do so just because you can. Of course, when that's the case, you have giant grins on your faces, and I can tell that ultimately you're just yanking my chain. That's not so easy to see in cyberspace. So anyway, I just decided I needed to go back to my corner for a bit to cool down, that's all.

I gotta say, this post has really bothered me. I should clarify. It hasn't bothered me because I disagree with anything you brought up. It bothered me because I think it is essentially true. Back when we all used to hang out on a regular basis at Wheaton, I used to "yank your chain" mostly for sport and mostly because it was a chain that was easily "yankable." But as the years have passed, I find that I do this less and less because I have found that it often leads to hard feelings. What I may be doing in jest, others take as serious. And the simple fact of that matter is this: I need friends. I need people around me that I know have my best interests at heart. Moreover, I want to be the kind of person that others know as being someone who has their best interests at heart.

And as I have pondered your email, I'm not entirely sure that you have always had that feeling from me. I have "yanked your chain" over and over again, to the point that when I am trying to contribute something genuine to the discussion, you were unaware that I was not merely giving you a hard time. And that is not something that I am terribly proud of.

Do I want to be the kind of person that is always serious and is completely unable to joke around with his friends? Absolutely not! But do I want to be the kind of person who is always so sarcastic and so biting that my friends first instinct is to duck for emotional cover? No ... I don't.

The thing is, I am actually much closer to being the kind of person I want to be now than I ever was at Wheaton. But do to the infrequency of our communication (and the nature of the written word), you would have no reason to know that. And so I want to take a moment to ask for your forgiveness. I want to be able to laugh with you, friend. But I also want you to know that I do value your thoughts and feelings and that I genuinely have your best interests at heart. So if you have ever felt slighted or disrespected by my sarcasm and my old habit of needing to rile people up, please forgive me . Forgive me becasue I want to be a better friend than that.

This apology actually goes out to Greg and Tim as well. While it was Matt's words that spawned this reflection, I am more than certain that I have acted in this regard with the both of you as well. So please, forgive a man the foolishness of his youth and know that I care for you all.