I have input...

First--your son is: High energy? Stubborn? Ferociously independent? There is no gentle way of saying this--I think a paternity test is in order. Surely, that cannot be your child.

And in all honesty, it sounds like our two wives could really appreciate each other—as they face many similar issues. (Let alone us…)

For years, I saw my wife’s parents emotionally abuse her (and me), and I resented the hell out of it. I did everything in my power to protect her and empower her to recognize the insanity. And my attempts failed every time they were tried. And that hurt me, not so much because her parents would say evil and spiteful things to her (and usually about me), but because I could not protect my own wife. And as my wife resisted and even resented my efforts to protect her from her own parents, I finally became exasperated, wised up and let nature take its course. I couldn’t protect her from them, and even if I tried, she wouldn’t let me. So I became apathetic relative to their abuse. I made no comments, no judgments; I just let her get hurt. She did. And that was the turning point in all of our relationships, and one for the better.

Since then, my wife has described what feels ostensibly like a grieving process, as the relationship between her and her parents experienced a slow death. With time and a few years of counseling, her parents’ values of denial, deceit, selfish commoditization of people, financial abuse of their own children and utter disregard for everyone other than themselves became antithetical to the values of my wife and my family. And the dealth of the relationship almost became zombified (i.e., the walking dead), as for years, she allowed the facade of a relationship between her and her parents to continue out of her convenience. Further emotional fall-out wasn’t worth forcing them to deal with their new reality.

Until now. The confrontation, which I felt should have happened some 12 years ago, is finally falling into place. And it’s ultimately one of values. Our two family values are essentially mutually exclusive. And now that there is a child involved, our obligation to protect our child (from their values) forces the issue.

So when I read your post, Scott, I immediately felt empathy. There’s no parenting text, no text dealing with how to deal with your spouse being abused by her own parents. And what you have experienced (in which I have not) is what I consider to be the abuse of your son.

And from what I have read, as far as I would be concerned: game over. The existence of a grandchild cast system? Fall-out over a remote control? (And for the record, I wouldn’t have offered to replace it; I would have replaced it with a better unit simply to take the issue off the table, thereby undermining their power.) I expect there’s more to the Santa incident than what was written; but I am at the point now where (abusive) grandparent desires are utterly irrelevant.

So I honestly don’t know if I’m leading the family in the right direction. But I believe in the power of reputation. And some people have created a reputation of abusing or taking advantage of others. So when given the dichotomous choice between putting those that I love within the powers of the wicked or abusive, I opt otherwise.

I wish I was overlooking something, but it almost seems like the terror question. Does one try to appease the wicked, or stand up to them? I am choosing the latter.

P.S. You’ve got to admit that my WWBD references were hilarious.
P.P.S. Your favorite singer sucks.