On Thursdays, I spend the day at a local elementary school in rural Miss. And it's been a pretty interesting, humbling and good experience both personally and professionally. One thing that's really impacted me is when I work the carpool line, I see a blue and maroon van pick up a passel if kids. Some kind of after-school program, I assumed.
So I inquired, and found out that the kids are orphans, and the vans were taking them to their "Baptist Village" (i.e., an orphanage run by the southern baptist church). Some of the kids are legitimate orphans, and others are kids that have been surrendered by their parents (for whatever reason). Oddly enough, these latter kids aren't adoptable; they've been surrendered by their parents--just not 100% surrendered. (No, I don't understand how this works.)
So I see these kids every Thursday, and it's become harder and harder for me to continue to ignore the plight of these unwanted children.
Scott-what's your take, being that you've been involved w/ this population? We think we may get involved in some of these kid's lives...
So I inquired, and found out that the kids are orphans, and the vans were taking them to their "Baptist Village" (i.e., an orphanage run by the southern baptist church). Some of the kids are legitimate orphans, and others are kids that have been surrendered by their parents (for whatever reason). Oddly enough, these latter kids aren't adoptable; they've been surrendered by their parents--just not 100% surrendered. (No, I don't understand how this works.)
So I see these kids every Thursday, and it's become harder and harder for me to continue to ignore the plight of these unwanted children.
Scott-what's your take, being that you've been involved w/ this population? We think we may get involved in some of these kid's lives...
posted by Greg | 7:44 PM
6 Comments:
There's a lot of ways people choose to get invovled. Do you have any sense of what "may get involved" might look like?
Well--it would be incremental for sure. Whatever I do, I do it methodically, such that it is done well.
Apparently, we have to apply (w/ 5 letters of rec, etc) to work w/ the kids.
Once that is through, it seems that going over to the Village itself would be the thing to do. Maybe come over w/ some sporting equipment, games, pizza, whatever. Interact w/ the kids. Do this for weeks, if not months.
If we develop a special connection with one of the kids, they allow things called "weekend visits"--where a host family take the kid in for the weekend. (And for holidays.) Maybe start doing that on a regular or semi-regular basis.
From there--just see where it takes us.
I'm not trying to be pushy, but does "see where it takes us" include adoption as a long-term POSSIBILITY?
Geez Scott... You're sounding like a girl wanting long-term commitment. :) How 'bout we just move in together? Start up a joint bank account. But I just can't get married baby, just can't get married.
Truth be told, a lot of these kids are unadoptable--because while their parents forfeitted their child, they haven't relinquished parental rights. Other kids at the Village are full on adoptable. So it all depends on which kids take to us (and which kids we take to...) And this relationship will largely dictate what is and is not possible.
So I don't know if we could full-on adopt a kid. (i.e., depending on if the kid is adaptoable.) Secondly, I don't know if we would yet. It's tough to know without knowing the kid; and without knowing if there's an intimate connection. If all these kids are punks--no. If a kid's not a punk, and we establish some kind of deeper connection with one--then yeah--it's a distinct possibility.
I've never done this before, and I don't know what to expect...
In your eyes, is it crucial for us to go into it with these decisions already made? Or can we simply take it one step at a time?
Stated differently--if we befriended a kid, and did bi-weekly activities with them (if they so desired)... what would be the long term ramifications of that? It's gotta be better than no relationship at all... (?)
Like I said, I'm not trying to be pushy. But there is a reasoning behind my question; and the reasoning really comes down to protecting the kids. You see, the kids that have been in the system for a while are used to playing the game. And they understand the whole "let's try to spend some time together and see how things work." They're not stupid. They know that, many times, they are being ... auditioned, if you will; and they know that they need to be on their best behavior.
Sadly, this often sets up a scenerio whereby the people auditioning see the child on his/her best behavior and they think that a real connection is being made. But when they get the kid home (post-adoption), everything changes. The kid reverts to normal form and the parents feel as if they've been had.
I don't know. In the end, I think the most humane way to approach a situation like this is to make sure that the kids understand that you're not really interested in adopting (even if you are). You're just there to spend some time with them and help them have a better life. Moreover, I would make sure that I spent a lot of time with a lot of different kids - even if one in particular really stands out. By doing this, you minimize the possibilities that the kids ID's himself as a potential adoption and he/she is less likely to kick into his/her salesman mode.
I know this all sounds rather cynical, but having worked in a residential situation, I have seen this happen on many occasions. In fact, I have seen kids "returned" after things didn't work out so well.
So I'm not saying don't do it. I'm just saying: spread the love around. Don't let one kid think he's the one too early on. Because if you do something like that, you may be building a relationship on false pretenses; and in the end everyone gets hurt.
This is exactly the kind of personal insight that I was looking for... Seriously---thanks.
Would this ever be something that you and S would do? Why or why not? (Maybe make this into a whole new post, rather than a comment?)
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