Picking up where we left off ...

So would Sarah and I ever consider "this?" If, by this, you (Greg) mean working with officially neglected and semi-neglected children, the answer is a qualified yes. "Why qualified?" you ask. Well, put simply, we have two children with a third on the way; and we are not in a position where we can financially keep Sarah at home. Unfortunately, "professional" ministry pays very poorly; and thus we need to keep Sarah in the work force. So, given that situation, we are extremely diligent in making sure that the time we have with our children is neither passive nor second-rate. In other words, right now, given our current circumstances, we would not choose to work with neglected children. For by doing so, we would be neglecting our own in the process.

But - and this is a very big but - we would consider adopting a child outright. In that case, we would be bringing another child into our home; and he/she would become part of our family - not something we did external to our family time. You see, for me, I don't think there really is a half-way point of engagement. If you and Court are going to actively spend time with children and if you choose to actively open yourselves up to improve their lives, it is almost an inevitability that AT LEAST one child is going to respond to your efforts. And than, at that point, you are going to have to make a decision. Will you continue down the natural path and allow the relationship to continue to build or will you pull back because you're not ready to make the commitment, so to speak.

I guess in some ways, I kind of look at it like dating and marriage. Back when Sarah and I were leading the young adult ministry, I used to talk to kids about dating all the time. And I used to tell them that dating is not an end in and of itself. Dating is the means to discovering whether or not one desires to be married to that individual. Once that discovery is made, action is required. If this is the one, than you need to pull the trigger because dating is not the natural state. Likewise, if this is not the one, you need to end the relationship NOW. Because while you may realize that the two of you are going nowhere, there is no guarantee that he/she is feeling the same way. And the more time you spend together (without the other person terminating the relationship), the more likely it is that the other person is growing more and more attached. And that's why I believe that the moment you know that this individual is not the one, you put an end to it. It's the merciful thing to do.

Same kind of deal here, my friend. If you and Court decide to do this, it is very likely that you will find yourself in a place where a kid takes to you. Even more likely is the probability that multiple kids will take to you. Why wouldn't they? They have NOTHING. The only people that have ever played a significant role in their life have left them for dead (so to speak). So why wouldn't they desperately try to latch on to someone - anyone - who shows them attention and affection? So you will be in the position of power in terms of the dating metaphor. The question is, are you interested in marriage or not. Because this once a week, once-every-two-weeks kind of relationship is not really the norm. It's an in-between state that leads to heart break unless parameters and fences are CLEARLY ESTABLISHED from the outset.