Maybe the best way to put it is this. In the past, I used to think that I could control my circumstances. Now, I honestly believe that most circumstances are entirely beyond me, and all that is left is my ability to control my response to these often chaotic circumstances.

I had come to this very same conclusion back when I was dealing w/ all my PhD issues--of which I still find myself a more-or-less insomniac ever since those days.

The funny thing is how easily people can change. After a year or two at Gallaudet, life become much more stable--and I lost this perspective. Right up until our house deal (MD / MS) began falling apart. (Something that wouldn't have--and shouldn't have--happened, had I been following Dave Ramsey.)

And to a certain extent, I find myself not-that-far from where I was, as I'm facing tenure in a relatively unstable department. (The crazy ex-chair is the only tenured person, and it's widely accepted that she's out to get me.)

The thing that I've found--however--is that living in this state of mind is actually easier. Or at least, it feels easier to me. It is the great reprioritizer. It clarifies and focuses one's perspective onto a better facsimile of reality and (true) meaning.