Time for a good old fashioned thread jack here.
Have any of you reached the age where you suddenly find the whole notion of "control" to be an empty illusion? Over this past year, we have faced ....
1. My dad's deteriorating health.
2. My newly arrived nephews renal issues.
3. My own health forcing me to come home.
4. My oldest brother being laid off at 27 years by the publicly owned firm that he once owned as a private partner.
5. My niece having a seizure of such magnitude that she ceased breathing.
And on and on and on ...
It's funny, for 14 years I chose to work in fields where people were regularly suffering all sorts of tragic circumstances. And every night, when I came home, I was able to push all that stuff out to arm's length, and I created a bubble of safety. But the thing is, that bubble never really existed. And I never really had control.
Maybe the best way to put it is this. In the past, I used to think that I could control my circumstances. Now, I honestly believe that most circumstances are entirely beyond me, and all that is left is my ability to control my response to these often chaotic circumstances.
Have any of you reached the age where you suddenly find the whole notion of "control" to be an empty illusion? Over this past year, we have faced ....
1. My dad's deteriorating health.
2. My newly arrived nephews renal issues.
3. My own health forcing me to come home.
4. My oldest brother being laid off at 27 years by the publicly owned firm that he once owned as a private partner.
5. My niece having a seizure of such magnitude that she ceased breathing.
And on and on and on ...
It's funny, for 14 years I chose to work in fields where people were regularly suffering all sorts of tragic circumstances. And every night, when I came home, I was able to push all that stuff out to arm's length, and I created a bubble of safety. But the thing is, that bubble never really existed. And I never really had control.
Maybe the best way to put it is this. In the past, I used to think that I could control my circumstances. Now, I honestly believe that most circumstances are entirely beyond me, and all that is left is my ability to control my response to these often chaotic circumstances.
posted by Just a Few Things about Scott ... | 8:11 AM
2 Comments:
Totally.
We're in the process of house-hunting--have been since, like, June. I don't think I'd be telling tales out of school in saying that Michelle is 20 times more cautious than I am about major financial decisions like this. (I probably err on the other side.) She can rattle off a list of "what-ifs" as long as your arm, which make her reluctant to commit to anything. I feel like there will always be "what-ifs", we can't plan for them all, we just do the best we can with what we have, and fill in the gaps with prayers.
I'm sure I won't be so hand-wave-y and matter-of-fact about such things when I'm a father myself.
Meh... I dunno.
Some "what-ifs" can be prepared for. Other "what-ifs" can't.
I'm usually a worst-case scenario thinker myself--so uh... that might taint my view some. ;)
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